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I’ve lived a lifetime in this skin and I’m pretty confident I know the person within. I am always in awe when I encounter experiences and situations that perplex me or intrigue me based on where we are as a society; evolving as a species, which is essentially a prerequisite for the survival of humanity.

Perception, according to Dictionary.com: the act or faculty of perceiving, or apprehending by means of the senses or of the mind; cognition; understanding.

I recently saw a TODAY Show interview with actor Nicholas Cage, who has the lead in an upcoming animated movie, “The Croods”. I used to be a big fan of Nicholas’ and to some degree I still am (despite media reports of Cage’s “personal troubles” and more so, the infamous nature of those troubles). I remain a fan primarily because of my overall benefit- of -the -doubt approach to my perception of people. In other words, unless or until you show me otherwise, you are automatically given the benefit of the doubt. In that way, almost anyone that I encounter is level on the same playing field. At least to start.

“The Croods” is an animated family film about a caveman family forced to go on a road trip when their cave is destroyed. What struck me about the interview is that Nicholas Cage, who has a 7 year old son who he described as a “connoisseur of animation”, confirmed that he had turned down the lead role in the original, wildly successful movie Shrek. As we know, Shrek just happens to be an ogre. When asked if it was true that he turned down the role because he thought the character Shrek was ugly, Cage responded:  

“The news said it was because of vanity, I think that’s a bit strong. The truth is I’m not afraid to be ugly in a movie…but I must say that when you’re drawn, in a way it says more about how children are going to see you than anything else and so I care about that. I want kids to look at Grug (lead character in The Croods) knowing he’s a little scary, but he’s a big teddy bear and I wasn’t sure I could do that with Shrek”.

Ummm, isn’t Shrek basically a big ogre that you (i.e., kids) really just want to embrace with a great big teddy bear hug? I mean, I know he’s an ogre, but can a caveman be any more of a huggable teddy bear than an ogre can? I’m thinking no. And isn’t it what we learn about the “character” of Shrek, as opposed to Shrek, the character, that is part of the heart of the message of the movie?

I don’t know that I would describe the character Shrek as scary. Different, perhaps, which I guess to some can be scary. But Shrek, the character, in and of itself is a pretty loveable, huggable kind of creature. At least, that’s my perception. I think the role was perfectly cast with Mike Myers as Shrek. And perhaps that’s a big reason as to why Shrek is loved so much. But I don’t think that’s the only reason. Yes, Shrek would probably be perceived differently if Nicholas Cage lent his voice to the character. However, even with Cage’s considerable difference in voice and energy compared to Mike Myers’, the character, the script, the plot, and the movie were all designed to have Shrek emerge and remain a can’t-help-but-love character. So all was as it should have been.

Perceptions are incredibly powerful for a variety of reasons including the fact that we tend to see the world based on our perceptions. In that case,

If reality is 9/10^th  perception, what is it we’re saying as well as conveying about real life and what reality matters, as a result of our sometimes fairly faulty perceptions?

Four years ago, I was in a department store when a young girl – probably about 6 or 7 years old – walked down the aisle I was in with a man, presumably her father. As I stood looking at whatever item I was considering purchasing and they searched for whatever item that brought them to my aisle, I could overhear the father speaking with his young daughter. The girl had a doll in her hands that her father was evidently going to purchase for her, but he clearly had some concerns about the doll his daughter had selected. It wasn’t that he was upset, it was something less volatile and yet equally unsettling. It was his persistence that practically bordered on insistence. He couldn’t let it go. His daughter was quite content with her selection, but daddy wasn’t having it. He tried several different ways and times to query his daughter about her certainty in wanting the doll she chose. He failed miserably. Price was evidently not an issue. He let her know there were lots of dolls, any of which she could have. She let him know that she wanted the doll she selected. And yes, she was certain.

I desperately wanted to commend that little girl for sticking to her selection. She knew what she wanted and she picked it out without hesitation or second thought…or perhaps, after considerable thought. And better yet, she stuck to her guns when her father tried to instill doubt about her choice of dolls. It was her father’s perceptions that became the problem not the doll itself. The perception was that the doll would prove to be problematic for whatever reason(s), but I’d be willing to bet that those reasons never crossed that little girl’s mind…at least not without the intervention of other people’s perceptions.

I don’t know if that little girl left the store that day with the doll she originally selected. I often wonder. I wonder even more about her father. And I wonder if the little girl ever wonders why her daddy questioned her so. Probably not. She just wanted her baby doll, and keeping it was her focus.

Why couldn’t the father just accept the doll his daughter wanted? What was his perception of what was occurring that made him clearly visibly uncomfortable? Perhaps it was because he couldn’t figure out a way or a good enough reason for his daughter NOT to have the doll she probably proudly picked out. How was he going to explain why his white daughter chose a brown-skinned doll out of all the dolls she could choose from and what will people think?

Six year olds are generally not concerned with other people’s perceptions or what other people think.  They make their decisions based on their own personal desires and what makes sense to them. And in applying the same benefit-of-the-doubt mindset, maybe daddy learned something invaluable from his daughter that day.

We have much to (re)learn from the young who have not yet been impacted by society’s collective pre-conceived perceptions and problems. And, perhaps, it will be the children that lead the way or at least, hopefully, remind us of our child-like nature and what reality matters.

        See you next Wednesday!   OXOXO