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“O would some power the giftie gie us to see ourselves as others see us.”                                  – Robert Burns, Poem “To a Louse” – verse 8
Scottish national poet (1759 – 1796)  

You know how you can go through life thinking you know the words to a song only to find out that you were grossly mistaken? It reminds me of when my daughter was 4 years old, singing her then favorite song by the Backstreet Boys. I don’t readily recall the name of this particular song which was a big hit at the time, but the lyrics included the words, “holding you close to me”. My daughter’s version, however, while singing from her car seat, was somehow interpreted as “folding your clothes for me”. What?! Then there was my girlfriend in high school who had a beautiful singing voice but who sabotaged the words to the Blues Brothers’ song, “I’m a Soul Man”. She  unknowingly made the song her own, singing, “I Was So Mad”.  In both scenarios, we see what these two individuals failed to see – their lyrics simply made no sense for the context of the song. But that’s the beauty of a song that moves you to sing with certainty…out loud…in front of others… oblivious to the fact that you don’t know the actual words.

And so it is the case with the Robert Burns quote above. I can’t remember where or when I first heard the quote but I can tell you it was quite some time ago, (no, it wasn’t back when he wrote it). So when this quote came to me as part of the subject of this blog post, I naturally wanted to make sure I put it out there correctly. As I recall, it went like this: “Oh what a gift, the gift of geis, to see ourselves as others see us.” Problem – geis is not a word. But no worries, I have that covered. Geis was the name. It’s a proper noun. I think it might be the name of a mythical god with a special specific perceptual power or gift.

Actually, I never really thought about it. At the time, it worked – it rhymed. Now, when the critical time had come for this most appropriate quote, I had to do my research. And now I know. Translating “ giftie gie us”, the quote is, “O would some power the gift to give us to see ourselves as others see us”. Doesn’t rhyme quite as nicely as the original or my version, but that’s o.k.

Imagine having the ability to see ourselves as others see us. You’ve probably wondered about what the perception of you is at least once or twice, or perhaps more than you care to admit. In either event, let’s face it, we’ve all thought about it.  I would be willing to bet that as mothers (as well as fathers), guardians, and role models to our daughters that we have probably passed our perceptions of ourselves, largely based upon other people’s perceptions, on to our daughters; thereby helping to reinforce society’s ever-present message that we are somehow flawed, not pretty enough or good enough just as we are.

Now, let’s get to the subject at hand. I recently watched a video clip of an experiment that the Dove Beauty Campaign did with women and how they view themselves, which is their perception of themselves, essentially impacting virtually every aspect of their lives.

Given our reality is based upon our perceptions, ladies listen up!

 The experiment went like this:  Women were brought in individually to meet with a forensic sketch artist who they never came face-to-face with. The woman was then asked to describe her various general facial features to the artist so that he could compose a sketch. The artist asked open-ended questions such as “Tell me about your eyes…” Once finished, artist and “model” parted ways never having met. The artist then met with a stranger who had previously briefly chatted with the woman who had just been drawn and had been instructed to just be friendly with the stranger. The stranger (both females and males) was asked the same questions and to describe the same features about the models. Again, a sketch was composited and artist and stranger never meet. The original woman, the “model”, is then brought back to view the outcomes of the two sketches side-by-side. The idea was to give the woman a sense of how she sees herself relative to how others who do not really know her see her.

 You need only take a look at the video clip and watch the women’s reactions to what they not only see in the comparison sketch, but visibly realize what they have come to believe about themselves as a result of their self-perception, which is largely based on other people’s perceptions. It’s especially telling given the strangers’ descriptions of the women. Click on the link below and check it out.

http://realbeautysketches.dove.us/    

People spend a considerable amount of time thinking about what other people think of them, what they did, who they are, how successful, and so on. We measure ourselves in comparison to others that we perceive as being more beautiful, skinnier, intelligent, wealthy, educated, exciting, successful, etc. in order to assess what we need to fix about ourselves. And why not? We have plenty of reinforcement every which way we turn. We, as women, are inclined to hone in on what we perceive as our flaws or imperfections as opposed to the qualities that make us beautiful. We’ve internalized the perceptions of society. We’re afflicted and we need to get it right, right now.

Being aware and mindful that we are inclined to see our perceived flaws and the disparity between us and how others would describe us is a great start.  We can make a positive impact on our daughters and a whole generation of girls whose perception of life can change and hence their experience of life. We can change how we see ourselves when it does not serve us well, thereby impacting girls’ perceptions about life as a result of how they see themselves. We really are more beautiful than we think.

It’s all about perceptions…powerful, and frequently, fairly faulty, perceptions.  Perceptions that have over time, been internalized. It’s also a reflection of society’s obsession with perfection, beauty, and youth. If, as women, we’ve bought it hook, line, and sinker, how could our daughters stand a chance? We have to be the change we want to see. We have to be the up close and personal role models for our daughters, deciphering society’s mixed messages, but more importantly demonstrating and serving as a model of true beauty and to do so in such a way that our daughters, and their daughters, become enlightened to a new perception that embraces, celebrates, and appreciates our natural beauty as opposed to our perceived flaws. When we know better, we do better!

See You Next Wednesday!                 OXOXOXO